Tuesday, April 19, 2011

When The Truth Literally Hurts

I've been reading this book lately called Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. Wow. I never thought reading a book could be so hard. At the recommendation of my counselor, yes, I'm in therapy... he suggested I read this book. I thought to myself, there's no way this book is going to apply to me. I know exactly what I'm doing. I WAS SO INCREDIBLY WRONG! This book was MADE for me. It was WRITTEN about me. Not about me exactly, but I am identifying with every woman in this book in one way or another. And it's not pretty. I feel as if I have been blinded by so much my whole life and the more I read this book, the more I can see exactly where I am going wrong. It's no secret I haven't been exactly the luckiest in love. I seem to be a dirtbag magnet. Or am I? Or is it that I just allow these men into my life because I have felt like it's been my mission from God to help these men become who they say they want to be? Well, after two failed marriages and several failed relationships, my most recent relationship was by far the most devastating to me when it ended and I started to realize that I have to have some kind of reason or explanation as to why this keeps happening to me. I never in a million years thought I would be one of those women who allowed herself to be physically assaulted by her significant other until it happened to me last weekend. The bruise on my face and the pain from that pales in comparison to the bruise on my heart and on my ego that I failed yet again. That's painful to admit. Now I'm a single Mom with three children all by different fathers, another court case underway, and more drama than I care to admit. My life has become exactly what I never wanted it to be. However, Monday was a new, fresh start for me. No more losers. No more abusers, liars, cheaters, atheists... I am no longer going to compromise my faith, my wants or my needs for someone undeserving. I have so much potential for greatness and I refuse to let anymore of these roadblock relationships get in the way.

I know I am a great mother. I know I am a good friend, a good daughter, a good listener. I help others when I can, even at my own sacrifice and never expect anything in return. And I will NEVER change that about myself. I am going to continue to be the good person that I know I am regardless of what these horrible men in my life have said about me and put me through. I am stronger, smarter and more resilient than I give myself credit for and I need to stop putting myself down. I'm done with that mess. And I'm done being a woman who loves too much, but I will always be a woman who loves with all her heart. It's knowing the difference between the two that has been my biggest challenge. 

I recommend this book to all women struggling with failed relationships. I warn you, it's a hard book to read, but will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself.

Women Who Love Too Much - Click Here to preview the book on Amazon

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