Tuesday, May 22, 2012

How to Not Suck at Dating (Like Me)

Here's my awesome Dating 101 advice that I gave to a friend of mine today.

Warning: I suck at relationships and dating. I can lecture about them (as per below) all day long but basically, the following is how to do things exactly the opposite of the disaster of a dating life I created for myself in past years. ENJOY!

1. You h
ave to know what you want in life. If you don't know what you want, you cannot expect another person to fill in that blank for you.

2. Be happy with yourself. Another person cannot make you happy with yourself if you are not confident in who you are and what you have to offer. Don't let another person define who you are, and don't let anyone else tell you that what you have to offer someone isn't good enough. You are who you are, and you're worthy of someone's love just as you are. You should never have to change who you are in order to try to make someone else love you. There are plenty of people in the world who will love you just as you are. Don't put up with someone who treats you as anything but fantastic.

3. Don't compromise what you want in another person, but also don't be so narrow minded that you eliminate half of the dating pool based on stupid standards like hair-length, eye color, weight, etc. There's a reason they tell you not to judge a book by it's cover and physical appearance will change over time. Look within where the real beauty of a person lies. That's what's going to shine through and last long after the looks fade.

4. Take careful risks. Instead of keeping the brick wall around your heart, tear that down and put up a chain-link fence. That way, it is still somewhat guarded and secure, but people can still see inside to the real you and get to know you. If they don't like what they see, they won't climb the fence, and you're still safe. But, if they DO climb the fence, you know it's not based on what they think is on the other side instead of what's really there. They've seen it, they know what they're getting into, and they are choosing to come into your life for the real you. Sometimes, you may even be brave enough to open the gate for a select few.

5. Don't settle for the first thing that comes along, unless of course the first thing that comes along is absolutely everything you've ever wanted and more, FOR REAL, and not just what you THINK you want. Date lots of people and see what's out there. You don't know what you've been missing while you've been off the market. I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised. Not everyone you date is going to be right for you, and don't try to make them fit if they don't.

6. HAVE FUN. Don't be nervous on dates, there's nothing about you to be ashamed about. Get out there, BE YOU, and screw 'em if they don't like you, as if that's ever going to happen. Even if you don't find "the one" on these dates, I bet you'll hear interesting stories, laugh a lot, eat good food, drink a few drinks, and have an overall good time. Who knows, you may even find someone to love, or even another friend or two along the way. That's what life is about. It's not meant to be isolated and kept locked away within you. Life is what happens to you while you're living it. It's meant to be shared. Share it.

It's not as hard as it sounds, and the only person who can let something become "too complicated" or too hard, is you.