Monday, July 16, 2012


Up until this point in my life, I thought I had a pretty good idea of where I was headed. Ok, that is sort of a lie, but in all honesty, the older I get, the less of an idea I have and that's some scary shit right there. Maybe they need to up my meds or something, I don't know, but as time goes on, I get more and more afraid that I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and not know where the past 10 years of my life went. Shouldn't I be getting a BETTER idea of what I'm doing the older I get? I seriously have no freaking clue. Like, I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and noticed how much OLDER I look now. I have wrinkles! I have gray hairs. I wear a lot of pajamas. In public sometimes. My hair is a disaster. I wear makeup everyday but it doesn't help the situation. I can't zip my pants. I don't sleep right anymore. I'm FREAKING OUT, MAN! It's like the shock of turning thirty hit me two years later. 

My oldest son is embarrassed at my singing "Brokenhearted" by Karmin. I guess I'm not supposed to know those types of songs. I remember my own mother bursting out into song in the car and feeling embarrassed over her too. Mom, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I get it now. Kids suck. They think they know it all because they're younger and more hip. I'm a cool Mom, damn it! So what if I wear Mom Jeans sometimes. Have to tried those things on??? They are super comfortable and hide the flab that those ungrateful brats created. GOD forbid I wear a bathing suit in public. These kids not only stole my body from me for over 9 months EACH, now they have the audacity to steal my youth from me too. I'll be damned. I'm gonna be singing "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark until the day I die and bustin' a move in the car as I do. Kids be damned. I'm gonna embarrass the living crap out of them for the rest of their lives because I am ENTITLED to do so for all I do for them. One day, they will look back on how much fun I was and appreciate me for who I am: A fun loving, caring, hugging, kissy Mom who will raise these brats to be respectful loving adults if it kills me, which it probably will sooner than later. 

My kids will NOT wear saggy pants and leave the label on their hats. They WILL sing Bel Biv Devoe's "Poison" with me and dance in the seats of the car.  My kids won't spend ALL of their time on the Internet. No way. They WILL pick up a book or at least a freakin' Kindle once in a while and read something other than the snide comments their idiot friends will be leaving on their Facebook posts. My kids will not be spoiled brats who will just have everything handed to them. I will teach them the value of working for something you want and earning it. That in itself has proved to be an ongoing and tough battle but I'm never gonna give up on that one. All in all, I have a long and treacherous road ahead of me. Good thing I've got my hiking shoes on. And maybe, just maybe, I'll figure out where I'm going as I try to point them in the right direction, too.

I love you, Aidan, Ava and Alivia. <3
You may be brats at times, but you're MY brats and I wouldn't want it any other way.